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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24229762">Put my mind at ease, pretty please.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/estvillanelle/pseuds/estvillanelle'>estvillanelle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Killing Eve (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Eve's a top, F/F, Face-Sitting, Happy Ending, Hate Sex, Light Angst, Oral Sex, Sex, Top Eve Polastri, Villanelle just wants to feel loved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:40:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24229762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/estvillanelle/pseuds/estvillanelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Villaneve hate sex. That's it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>182</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Put my mind at ease, pretty please.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first atempt in the Killing Eve's universe.<br/>English is not my native language, there will be some mistakes, I'm sorry in advance.</p><p> </p><p>No further ado, just enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It has been one week since Konstantin died. And Villanelle was so angry. She wishes she could go back in time just so she could put the bullet right through his chest. It hurt, back then, when she shot him. But she was hoping that he would survive. She <em>knew</em> he would. He was strong, and she made sure to shoot him somewhere where they could fix him.</p><p> </p><p>But for what, exactly? Just so she could feel some kind of hope and then feel like the world was closing down on her, and she had nowhere to escape? If she knew, back then, that Konstantin would die from a <em>heart attack</em>, she would put a hole in his chest in a blink of an eye.</p><p> </p><p>Killing her mother and that pathetic family of hers, was easy. Sure, Villanelle knew she had some issues related to her mother, related to the woman that gave birth to her. But all she ever wanted was to <em>belong</em>. Was it that difficult to be somewhere that actually feels like home?</p><p> </p><p><em>Home… </em>Isn’t it strange that Eve Polastri was the closest thing that ever made her feel like she was, in fact, home?</p><p> </p><p>Oh Eve… She had disarmed Villanelle on the bus that day, giving her a kiss that she didn’t even mean to. It was unexpected, to say the least. And it was so brief and fast, that Villanelle had a hard time actually believing it. But she could not forget the soft press that still tingled on her lips.</p><p> </p><p>And she was angry. Because yeah, the kiss was <em>good</em>. But it wasn’t the best. They were in a strange position, in a moving bus, with a lot of people looking. And she was angry that Eve stole her chance to kiss <em>her </em>first.</p><p> </p><p>She had imagined a thousand times how their first kiss was supposed to happen. She would push Eve against <em>any surface</em> and that time, it would not involve a knife or a gun or one of them almost dying. They would be moved by <em>desire.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>Villanelle has Eve pinned against</em> <em>the door</em> <em>for a couple of minutes now. And Eve’s not scared. She’s aroused. She can’t formulate a single sentence without tripping on her words. Her eyes keep following the movements that Villanelle’s tongue do when she wets her lips, and she’s panting. Breath ragged. Villanelle’s uses her right hand to put a lock of hair behind Eve’s ear. She lets her fingers slide from her jaw to her neck and then to her chest. Eve’s eyes are closed when she looks at her face again. And Villanelle’s chuckle escapes her lips in a breath.</em><em> Her palm is pressed against Eve’s chest now, and she can feel how hard her heart is beating.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>She inclines her head a little and Eve’s eyelashes flutter in anticipation. Their mouths are so close, that they touch </em> <em>just a little</em> <em> when she pants Eve’s name. Eve’s breath catch in her throat </em> <em>and Villanelle can’t stop but chuckle again, It’s so easy.</em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Please.” Eve begs. Hand twisting in the front of Villanelle’s shirt, where, only now the blonde realizes, she’s holding it. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Please, what, Eve? What </em>do you want?” Her voice is low, deliberate.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You. I- I want you. Please just kis-” And then her words would be swallowed with the whimper she would make when they lips finally touch. </em></p><p> </p><p>Villanelle stands abruptly from the bed. She will not waste her time with wishful thinking anymore. Because she is sad and pissed that Eve didn’t once try to contact her after Konstantin died.</p><p> </p><p>And even more angry that she can’t stand the fact that she wish Eve was here. Comforting her. She’s just <em>so </em>tired. She takes a cold shower and waits at least one hour before climbing into bed again.</p><p> </p>
<h1 class="western">• • •</h1><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Another week passes and she’s still so sad and that’s why she doesn’t like feelings. They’re messy and complicated and they hurt. Especially the ones related to love. Which she learned the worst way. But now she knows what love really feels like, what she had with Anna couldn't hold a candle against what she feels for Eve. Back then, she craved attention, now she craves being <em>chosen, </em>being <em>the one</em><em>.</em></p><p>There’s a soft knock on her hotel room door, she’s somewhere on Croatia, just outside of Dubrovnik. She hadn’t heard of Dasha nor the Organization. Not that she cared. She’s just not sure who could’ve known her location, because the only one she actually told was Irina. And she definitely wouldn’t appear out of nowhere in the middle of the night, without at least send her some text.</p><p>“I told you I do not need room service.” She says opening the door, only to be met by Eve’s hard, cold stare. “Eve?” She wishes her heart would stop trying to crawl its away out of her chest, like it needs to be in contact with the older woman to properly function.</p><p>“You know, for someone who’s supposed to be the best assassin out there, you’re making yourself really easy to find.”</p><p>Villanelle eyebrow turn up involuntarily, “Maybe I want it that.” She says.</p><p>Eve scoffs, “I bet you do! You’re so full of yourself.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, you flew all the way here to…?” She inquires, because she is, in fact, curious. But she knows she used the wrong tone, because Eve’s looking at her like she did that day on the bus and this will not be good.</p><p>In a blink of an eye, Eve’s walking in her direction, hands flying everywhere they could to try and slap her, and she wants to fight back, she really wants to, but she doesn’t have the <em>energy</em>. So she lets Eve hands slap her multiple times, until Eve’s shoves her so hard that her side collides with the corner of the table and the wind is knocked right out of her lungs, she still aches sometimes, where Eve stabbed her, but this feels like <em>that day </em>all over again. Eve doesn’t seem to notice, she has a really good poker face after all.</p><p>“You know if you really want to hurt me, you should try to focus on one part of my body and hit me like you mean it.” Villanelle spats her way and Eve punches her face so fast she can’t even begin to think about getting out of the way.</p><p>“You ruined my life. You ruined everything. Niko’s in a coma because of you.” Eve screams to her. “You are the most selfish person I’ve ever meet.” She gives another punch, this one doesn't hurt her at all.</p><p>“Niko’s what?” She tries to ask, but Eve won’t listen to her.</p><p>“You are cruel and you are heartless. And you always find a way to make me come crawling back to you. But to put Niko in that situation?” She fists a hand in her own hair, letting it fall again moments later.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Her hand goes to her abs then, <em>it really hurts.</em></p><p>“Don’t do that! Don’t try to pretend you aren’t the one getting rid of everyone I love so then, in the end, I’ll have to be with you. You want me to be the same way that you are. You want me to be broken, to be cruel, to be cold, to be heartless, just like you.”</p><p>“Eve, I- What are you talking about?” Villanelle’s using the table to support herself.</p><p>“STOP LYING TO ME!!” She screams, “My husband’s in a hospital trying to fight for his life and you’re here, living your best life like you had not destroyed everyone’s else.”</p><p>“Then why are you here? If you care about him so much, if you <em>love </em>him so much. Why are you not there? Playing the role of the desperate wife?” <em>Fuck, </em>if she was angry before, she can’t even describe the hatred she’s feeling now.</p><p>“God, I hate you.” Eve says, sincerely.</p><p>“And I love you. We already know this part Eve.” She’s not looking at the other woman anymore.</p><p>“I wish I never met you. I wish I never went looking for you.” That was by far the hurtful <em>hit </em>Eve throws her way tonight and it’s just words. Eve's sitting on the bed now. Looking out the window.</p><p>“I can not do that Eve. I can not go back in time. But you can walk away right now and I promise that you will never see me again.” She doesn’t want to cry or to admit that she will, actually, never contact Eve again.</p><p>“You won’t. You will never leave me alone You <em>can’t.”</em></p><p>“<em>You </em>are the one that came after me. <em>Fuck,” </em>Her abs are really sore, “Why are you here, Eve? You clearly do not want to be in the same room as me.”</p><p>Eve opens her mouth to speak, but Villanelle cuts her, “You know what? Never mind. I’m the one who does not want to be in the same room as you. You say that I’m selfish? You do not know<em> shit</em> about me, Eve Polastri. And you have been pretty clear about the fact that you hate me. Because if you loved me, you would have called, to say that you were sorry for Konstantin death.”</p><p>“I didn’t-”</p><p>“Do not interrupt me. I am the one talking right now.” She takes a deep breath and her abs contracts sending a wave of pain through her left side. She closes her eyes briefly. “I’m <em>broken </em>Eve. It feels like my heart it’s literally breaking inside my chest and I can not do anything about it. I spent two days awake, trying to console Irina. And before that I killed my mother and her entire <em>fucking </em>family”, she smiles but is not sincere “she said that I did not belong there. That they were not my family. And she was right. Because my family was Konstantin, and Irina, and <em>you. </em>And now I do not have anything, I do not have anyone.”</p><p>Eve hands closes in her lap and Villanelle wipes the tears from her face.</p><p>“I never wanted to be your last option, Eve. I never wanted you to stay with me because you have nothing left. I did not know what happened with Niko, believe me, I would have killed him <em>months </em>ago, if I wanted him dead. I had many opportunities. And you know what I did? I gave him a pep talk that maybe, <em>possibly, </em>turned out to be one of the best sex you had in your life.” She chuckles, “Can you imagine? That he treated you like that because <em>I </em>told him to?”</p><p>She walks to her suitcase then, having a hard time to crunch down, but she does. And Eve’s suddenly alert now, so she stands. “I won’t do anything to you.” But she takes her gun out of her bag. She turns to Eve, showing her that she’s checking to see if there’s any bullet in it. She presses the safety button to disable it. She walks to the table again. Putting the gun down.</p><p>“If you don’t believe that I will leave you alone the moment you walk out that door. Then kill me, Eve. Kill me and go back to your life. Go back to your husband.”</p><p>“Stop.” Eve tells her.</p><p>“Why? You just said that you hate me. That I destroyed your life. You already tried to kill me once, so please, do it. Try again and walk out of here saying that you succeed.” She picks the gun again, walking to stand in front of Eve, putting the gun in her hand. She can see that their trembling. Out of fear, out of adrenaline, out of want, she can’t decide.</p><p>Eve’s hand are trembling, but he holds the gun and then points it at Villanelle. “See, I know you can do this.” She smiles, but Eve cries. “Do it Eve, pull the trigger.” She whispers.</p><p>“No!” She lets her hands fall at her side. Villanelle walks to the bedside table that’s on her side of the bed and open the drawer. She picks a knife then. “Ok. I think this will be easier, <em>for you. </em>But it’s ok, I already knows how bad it hurts. Just do it quickly.”</p><p>She walks to the older woman again, replacing the gun for the knife.</p><p>“I love Niko.” Eve tries again.</p><p>“We both know you do not love him anymore. Because if you did, you would not have fallen for me.”</p><p>“I hate you!” <em>Good, </em>this will make Eve angry again.</p><p>“Who is lying now? Come on Eve!”</p><p>“I hate you!” She repeats.</p><p>“Do it then!” Villanelle shouts at her, she’s standing right in front of Eve now.</p><p>“I hate you.” She says more calmly.</p><p>Villanelle pushes her body forward, her hands close around Eve’s, the knife pressed in her belly, “Do it.” She tries one more time.</p><p>She’s not sure who makes the first move, but she hears the sound of the knife falling to the ground with a thud, then Eve’s lips are on hers. Hot and warm and wet. “I don’t hate you.” Eve whispers between kisses, their mouths more frantic every time they touch. “I know,” It’s the only response she can manage before Eve’s arms circle around her hips and she’s wrapping her legs around the older woman’s waist and her kisses bruises into Villanelle’s lips as she’s pressed against the bedroom door.</p><p>The blonde fingers twine through Eve’s hair for the first time and she almost combust when the hard pull she gives is combined with a moan falling from Eve’s lips and a grind of her hips right into Villanelle’s center. Her head falls back against the door and Eve’s granted with fully access to her neck, she kisses a path down her throat, stopping just at the juncture of neck and shoulder, then she bites hard and her hips rolls harder and Villanelle moans, “Fuck.”</p><p>“Shut up.” Eve says, latching on the skin her teeth left mere seconds ago and she sucks, leaving a hickey. Her hands, that were still holding onto Villanelle’s thighs, are wandering now, past her waist, inside her shirt, Eve press a little to hard on her abs and she grunts, her hands are suddenly on her breasts and they both moan, Eve realizes that the blonde’s not wearing a bra, she rolls hardened nipples between her fingers and Villanelle’s arches up, into her, desperate.</p><p>Eve looks at her now, and she knows she must be looking like a mess, she’s panting, “Well?” She arches up her eyebrow. “Shut up.” Eve responds and once again they’re kissing. Villanelle’s hand's still holding onto her hair and the other one are on her shoulder, fingers digging the skin.</p><p>When Eve’s hand trail down her stomach and past the waistband of her sweatpants, she wants to cry, she wants to cry and beg and she <em>needs </em>to be touched. But she waits, even if it almost <em>kills</em> her. She waits, <em>she’s so wet</em>. And when Eve’s fingers<em> finally</em> touch her clit, she bites Eve’s mouth, sucking her lower lip into her mouth. Eager fingers presses hard and she moans. She releases Eve’s lip with a pop. Their tongues battle for dominance even when they both know that Eve’s the one in control.</p><p>She rolls their tongues, licking inside of Eve’s mouth and her fingers starts circling her clit. It’s slow at first, but then the speed it perfect, she stops the kissing because she can not concentrate enough and the pressure of Eve’s fingers are just right and <em>fuck, </em>she’s close and it’s so fast she wants to ask Eve to stop, so she can actually enjoy her orgasm in the proper way, but at the same time she wants Eve to keep going, <em>keep going, </em>until she feels like she’s snapping in half and comes-</p><p>She doesn’t. Not yet. Because Eve’s fingers stop and she’s afraid that she did ask that out loud, but Eve didn’t tell her to <em>shut up</em>, and just seconds later, she’s being entered by two fingers and <em>this can not be her first time,</em> she thinks, but <em>fuck, </em>Eve’s fingers are so delicate but so demanding inside her and then they're pumping, in and out, over and over and over again, until she starts to see stars behind her eyelids and she knows she’s moaning, she doesn’t care if she’s being loud, <em>in and out, </em>fast hard and over and over and over, she’s almost there, <em>over and over and over, </em>til Eve’s pressing her thumb in her clit and her walls clench, wet and soft and warm, over and over and she comes.</p><p>Eve puts her down suddenly and her legs are shaking still but Eve’s down on her knees now and Villanelle’s sweatpants and underwear are lowered, but not enough and Eve’s mouth’s desperate when she sucks Villanelle’s clit and she puts a shaky hand on Eve’s head, her legs are still trembling and her sex’s still sensitive, but Eve’s lips are demanding as she’s nothing but compliant, Eve doesn’t need to put much effort, her tongue’s hot against Villanelle and she feels like she’s burning inside out. Her legs buckle and Eve’s hands have her pinned against the door again, when Eve sucks lightly on her clit, she comes for a second time.</p><p>She’s not sure how, but when Eve pulls her towards the bed, she walks to it. Falling into it, she takes her shirt discarding it on the floor. Eve doesn’t waste time, she’s getting rid of her clothes as well. And Villanelle’s wants to worship every single part of her body, but she will not fight with Eve anymore. She won’t<em> take </em>anything, but she will accept everything Eve has to give.</p><p>Eve’s crawling her way up Villanelle’s body, she stops briefly just to deposit a small tentative kiss below the scar on her left side, “I’m sorry”, she whispers and Villanelle wants to ask <em>what for?, </em>for stabbing her, for pushing her against the table, for taking so long to act on her feelings, <em>what for? </em>But she doesn’t speak, instead she pulls Eve up until they’re kissing and Eve’s straddling her waist, she holds her there for a minute, but Eve’s not patient and she starts to make her way up, up, straddling her face and Villanelle knows she’s hesitating because she’s not used to take what she wants.</p><p>So Villanelle helps her and lifts her head just a little, so the tip of her tongue can barely touch her clit and it’s all Eve need as an encouragement before she<em> sinks down</em> and rides her face, she holds her by the hips, helping her grind and she lets Eve use her, lets her <em>take</em> what she wants, lets her fuck her face, grinding. Her taste’s so addicting already. When Eve taps two fingers on her hands, she looks at her face and <em>what do you want?, </em>Eve taps two fingers again, “Fuck me.” So she does, she fucks her with two fingers deep inside and with her tongue flat and compliant and Eve grinds and grinds and moans and <em>grinds, </em>hips rotating over and over, and she comes, beautifully.</p>
<h1 class="western">• • •</h1><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>She doesn’t remember falling asleep and for a second she’s scared that it was all just some twisted cruel dream. But when she moves and a grunt comes from the person hugging her from behind, she smiles. Their hands are intertwined at her front and she presses back just a little more.</p><p>“Are you cold?” Eve asks in a whisper.</p><p>“Yeah, a little.” She whispers back.</p><p>Then Eve pulls a duvet to cover them both, “I don’t hate you.” She whispers.</p><p>“I know.” Villanelle squeezes the hand she's holding and Eve presses forward, hugging her more. “It’s ok baby.”</p><p>“I love you,” Eve presses her lips to the back of Villanelle’s neck. “I won’t leave you again.”</p><p>And she knows they’re not perfect, she knows they still have a lot to talk and to fight and to live. But she believes that Eve won’t leave her, “I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feel free to scream at/with me on twitter @estvillanelle.<br/>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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